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April 07, 2003

Insensitivity Poker, Part 2


cards.gif Hey, kids! It's time for more potentially inflammatory poker variants!

1) IRISHMAN. Standard seven-card stud until the sixth (fourth face-up) card is dealt. At this point, the player with the most "shamrocks" (clubs) showing is declared the Irishman. The Irishman, if he so chooses, may "blow up" up to two cards held by anyone showing a face card, representing the British monarchy; these two cards are removed from the player's hand and discarded. However, if this privilege is exercised, the British player may respond by swapping any one of his remaining cards for one of the Irishman's first two, face-down cards.

OPTIONAL VARIANT: Replace face cards with Jacks and clubs with diamonds to play "Palestinian."

2) HOMOPHOBIA. Standard five-card draw. Kings and Queens are wild. Note, however, that these Kings and Queens only go for their own kind; that is, Kings can only substitute for odd-numbered cards (including Jacks and Aces) and Queens can only substitute for even-numbered cards. The lowest possible hand in the game is a Straight.

3) RED SCARE. Standard seven-card stud, with a twist. Red cards are deadly; that is, any player dealt a red card face-up is temporarily out of the game and cannot bet or raise. He is, however, dealt a new card at the beginning of each succeeding round, and can participate again if he receives a black card. Thus, any player whose fourth face-up card turns up red is out for good. The only exception is a player who has been dealt four red cards face-up; should this happen, he is not only revived, but may "name names" to force any other player out of the game. Jacks are wild. The highest possible hand is a Full House.

Edited 4/21/03: By unanimous decision, it has been agreed that, when using a deck of cards provided by a particular fine establishment, the "Scarlett" card will also be counted as a Red.

4) CAPITALISM. Standard five-card draw. After the initial deal, each player is dealt a sixth card face-up, which cannot be used as part of the hand. Whoever has the highest card showing gets to look at his cards and then declare one card (i.e., 4s, Kings, etc.) to be wild. Oh, and the player with the lowest card cannot fold.

OPTIONAL VARIANT: "Socialism". It's like capitalism, except the player with the lowest card showing gets to choose the wild. And cannot fold. Sound good, in theory? Right. Try it.

posted by whitey at 05:52 PM

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