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April 24, 2003

The Future Of America

Today is National Child Labor Day. I mean, Put Your Child To Work Day. No, wait, I've got it - Take Your Child To Work Day. I like the first two better, frankly. How are we gonna compete with the rest of the world when our workforce is so much older? Gotta streamline, envigorate, bring in some fresh blood.

Anyway, now the office is overrun with small people. But it seems the folks who thought it would be a good idea to show their kids what they do all day somehow failed to realize that five-year-olds get bored really fast. And watching Mommy or Daddy sit in the cubicle and stare at the screen is interesting for all of two minutes, and the company firewall blocks all the really interesting websites. Which means the kids are engaged for about two minutes longer than the parents, who gave up any hope of anything other than mind-fucking boredom decades ago.

So the parents have to make a choice: resign themselves to getting nothing done and annoying their neighbors for the course of the day, or dump Junior in the employee break room. Given the noises the new CEO is making about work ethic, and the way the stock price is going, and the current job market, it's a pretty easy choide. So now there's a bunch of juveniles monopolizing the foosball and pool tables. Which, I suppose, doesn't really matter, since those things are for show anyway. No one uses them for slacking, since anyone with a little determination figured out a while back how to get around the firewall issues. Hell, I only saw the kids in there while I was walking past on the way to buy a soda.

Enjoy your first taste of the working world, kids. Some day, you can be CEOs. All of you. Sure. No, really. Not a future ditch-digger among you. Stop trying to put the pool ball in your ear, Mikey.

posted by nick at 11:35 AM

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