November 05, 2003

Why Polling Doesn't Work, Part 2

Contrary to popular belief, there's more to being a good American than rallying around giant chunks of rock and harassing anyone who fails to show the proper respect to pieces of fabric sewn into a particular pattern. A lot more.

For one thing, there are surveys to fill out.

Wait, I'm confused. What's this "No" box for? Where was this survey printed? Vermont? San Francisco? France?

I've got a comment. What if I'm in favor of education, but opposed to AIDS? If I check "Very important" for both "Healthcare" and "Abortion", does that mean the Republican Party will do everything within its power to ensure that I get more of both?

Damn those liberal Democrats! They just want MORE OF MY HARD-EARNED MONEY to spend on their BIG GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS! I mean, I'm sure that's all there is to it, or the question would surely have been phrased differently! Those liberal Democrat bastards!

Balanced budget? Come on. Once we find those WMDs in Iraq, and the magical money-shitting pig which I understand has been guarding them, we'll have more than enough capital to cover the $87 billion we've already blown, balance the budget, and have enough left over to fully fund our next three pre-emptive wars!

Well, of course. That last round of tax cuts worked wonders for the economy, didn't it? And it's not like we've taken on any new expenses since then.

Yes, yes and yes! The last thing the nine million out-of-work Americans need now is to have their massive stock earnings double-taxed!

Well, I'm no expert ... I mean, I wasn't even aware that you could use the word "growing" in that context ... but unless I've been completely misinformed, cutting taxes is all but guaranteed to accomplish all four. Hooray for cutting taxes!

posted by whitey at 11:15 AM

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