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drink when you see the robot

February 24, 2004

Beer Fashions

What crafty headgear do you choose for a spring Bock festival? A collection of beer cans lovingly crocheted into a winter hat, of course.


October 28, 2003

"Swinging" Wine Lovers

Direct quote from the organizers:

"This group is not for everyone, it is composed mostly of wine
connoisseurs who also happen to be in the LifeStyle. We need others
to participate in the groups. Tell us your favorite wines and where to
find wine events in your area."

It's the Swinging Wine Lovers.

Are you in the LifeStyle? I, unfortunately, can't afford the wine.

October 10, 2003

Happy Birthday, EtOH

"He said Russia's history would have been very different if it hadn't included vodka."

September 26, 2003

The Perfect Mix ...

...of technology and alcoholism.


September 20, 2003

Get Out Your Wallets

I used to think that investing money was boring because people invest money in popular, wholesome and profitable companies, like Disney, Coca-Cola, and Microsoft.

Me, I like to drink and gamble. But then I had an idea... Perhaps investing in gambling, alcohol, tabacco, and aerospace and defense industries would be more fun than investing in apple pie.

The good folks at Mutuals.com heard my cries and the cries of those like me. And they created a special mutual fund: the VICE FUND. And it's hot.

September 10, 2003


Nothing could be better than coming home and serving up some Pirate's Pleasure.

On the worst of days, however, you might find yourself tragically low on the Cap'n and even 'scoring points' with the Cap'n's rum wenches doesn't soothe your pain. Lucky for you, Admiral Nelson offers a blatantly obvious and inexpensive substitute, and with a slogan like "Moderate drinking is smart thinking", you really can't go wrong. Eyepatches have never been sexier.

Still inadequate? Have you tried Sailor Jerry, Long John Silver, the high quality Captain Neil, or even Calico Jack?

P.S. Nick- please note the contribution of three new pirate/booze combo submissions from the Admiral's good website to be credited as appropriate.

P.S.S. This is one of the best drink names ever.

P.S.S.S. Stop by with a bottle of each of the above and I'll throw you one helluva Bucaneer Bash. (May be combined with redemption of Jules-Verne-Octodog party)

P.S.S.S.S. I feel so very inadequate.

July 13, 2003

Helpful Tips

With all the dipsophiliac pursuits to be enjoyed, this handy reference guide and review titled "Where to Vomit" might just come in handy:

"Vomiting is not about being physically ill. It is an embodiment of the age old struggle between good and evil, and a reminder of forces greater than mere humanity. Remember this when you lose."

I'd mock the authors of the Tacky Living site, but as they appear to be our true soulmates in quest to document everything that glitters (see: vacation tips), they appear worthy of your time.

July 07, 2003

Arrrgh! Grog was me Gateway Drug!

Do you read Cyrillic and subscribe to a vehemently anti-alcohol philosophy? Failing that, are you in the market for some freakishly incomprehensible propaganda to spice up your home bar or neighborhood boozing establishment? Either way, I've got three words for you, and I can't pronounce any of them.

Yes, it's good to know that in times of need, we can always count on our Russian friends to keep us appraised of the danger posed by baby-eating wine; the Kool-Aid Man's evil twin brother; and, of course, Kapitan Morganslav, the lovable liquor-tobacco-and-heroin pirate.

July 03, 2003

The New Drinking King

For a long time, it was believed that certain species of dinosaur actually possessed two brains: that their sheer mass necessitated a secondary command center to keep their bodies functioning smoothly. Like so many other cool scientific theories, this has since been proven false. However, thanks to medical science, humanity has now come up with something even better: a super-being with hitherto unsurpassed capabilities for binge drinking.

Honestly, given their historical enthusiam for eugenics and legendary passion for alcohol, it's a wonder the Germans weren't doing this decades ago.

posted by whitey at 06:24 PM | Comments (1)

June 02, 2003

Teaching Toys: Learn to Drink

How did I not see this until the auction closed? What cruel taunting of fate. This toy has it all: an amoral lesson modeled for children by an adorable stuffed animal; a creepy, dead-eyed stare; live electricity in close proximity to liquid; and a loveable plush exterior.

To quote the seller: "This bear still works. When you plug him in, he pours a drink and then drinks it. He feels like he is made of real fur. It comes out when you pull on it. I heard that meant it was real. If you look where his nose is supposed to be, it looks like real skin (He is missing his nose). His head might be a bit lose because it sits forward when you lift him up. I don't know if it is supposed to move when plugged in, but it doesn't. His eyes are balls with paper over them so they look like the whites of the eyes. His feet have a little bit of wear on the toes. "

drinkin' bear

I'm pretty sure I even know what postcard this enchanting toy inspired.

April 09, 2003

"How many beers..."

"...does it take to get two random, unattractive people to agree to have sex?"

So many possibilities. Well, if they weren't all April Fools' hoaxes, that is. Although, frankly, I'm still bitter about the wasted potential of that other show.

posted by whitey at 02:54 PM | Comments (0)

April 06, 2003

Iconic love

"...This is, of course, what a liberated Iraqi shouted to the American troops as they rumbled past. This was what America meant to him. You may say it’s a crude reduction of a shallow culture.

"I say we put it on the twenty dollar bill."


Lileks can design a logo for me any day.

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